Understanding Conflict Between Ministry Leaders

In the real world, not everything goes well, not everyone is happy, there is always bad news as well as good, troubled waters as well as smooth.Very few ministry leaders fail because of their inability to deal with success. Typically, failure in ministry results from an inability to deal with problems.Conflict  resolution within the church can be very difficult.  Some action, even if that is deliberate non action, must take place. 

Lets take a look at the 5 basic principles of conflict; 

  

1. Conflict is normal and not all conflict is  
  bad.

Some conflict is creative and has real positive uses. Sometimes its just a matter of differing life styles or opinions. Resolved properly these can be very use full

2. Good conflict may deepen superficial relationships

Many times relationships are very shallow and people never get close enough to ever even have a conflict.  Very often when a disagreement occurs the relationship between the two parties deepen, because they have come to know each other better. 

3. Personal growth often occurs through dissonance

Dissonance simply means lack of agreement.   Growth often occurs because the social  turbulence causes people to look for  resolution there fore resulting in personal growth.

Within the body of Christ and among men and women of goodwill, conflict is common, not always bad, and can have positive outcomes.

Scripture offer many examples of conflict in the new testament

  

4. A model of advocacy may appear to be contention when it is not    
    really conflict

This can be an effective way to reach decisions.  If a group in a room brings together their own  passionate opinions and each expresses  them strongly. A disagreement can result.

But done correctly and in humility the end can result in a balanced and successfully outcome and decision.

5. There is a Biblical pattern for resolving conflict.

Matthew 18-15,16 gives a pattern for resolving conflict. 

 ¹⁵ “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. ¹⁶ But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’^{[a] 17} And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.

Five Basic Causes of Conflict

1. Conflict is frequently because of  unmatched expectations

These can lead to disappointment which leads to loss of confidence, and can arise from misunderstandings.

A different set of expectations of a leader, program, style, etc is a certain recipe for conflict

2. Conflict is caused by the mounting number of buried hurts,  
    slights, and insults.

These hurts are often times collected up and saved. Burying feelings , disappointments, personal injuries, etc is  a  deadly illness in the church. It is very unhealthy to bury your hurts..

They will come out someday and in a big way.

Many times conflict between two people in the church is from a gradual buildup of hurt and disappointment

3. A major cause of conflict is unexpressed fears.   (and jealousy)

People may find themselves resisting others because of fears that may have never been expressed.

It is easy to become paranoid in the church. It is easy to be fearful about what might happen in situations involving other Christians.

If these fears are never expressed, they can never be countered, they can never be checked out, so they can never be resolved.

4. Competition for limited resources can cause conflict.

There is never enough money, time or attention in the work of the church. 

Church leaders are many times placed in a situation where there is competition for your time and attention.

The leader must respond by constantly reassuring people in an atmosphere of fairness so that conflict won’t occur

If someone gets the feeling that they  are not valued as highly as someone else, conflict will occur

5. Conflict escalates in a hostile and failing environment.

A psychological study shows that if people or animals are put in situations in which pain is delivered and discomfort is created, individuals or animals will always  turn on each  and start fighting

So basically when things are not going well they just get worse. Conflict will occur and resolve must be obtained.  In a hostile environment people will lash out even when they are not meaning it personally or have any real reason for doing so.

Understanding what causes conflict will help us as leaders to understand how to deal with the problem and what if anything needs to be done at the time. Next time I will ocer how to handle conflict between ministry leaders..

Faith Without Works is Dead

Faith Without Works is Dead

Faith without works is like a bird without wings; though she may hop around with her companions on earth, yet she will never fly with them to heaven.     Francis  Beaumont 

The last topic we discussed on living  a fulfilled Christian life was tithing on your income.  You are  called to tithe the first fruits of everything and that includes your time .  I know that the world today is a twenty six  hour day on a twenty four hour clock. No one has time  for anything.  Just how could we live without texting, email, and the microwave?  Ask your Grandmother, she did it just fine. I know we are all very busy. Life today demands it in most professions, not to mention  raising a family, church, and social events.

James tells us in  James chapter two starting in verse fourteen and following that faith without works is dead.  I understand that our salvation is not based on works and that we cannot work our way into Heaven by the good things  we do. But if we have faith in Christ and do not work for the Kingdom of God, are we really disciples of Christ?

James continues to say that he will show his faith by his works, he goes on to say that it is good that we say we know God, but that even demons know God and tremble at His name. But if we say we have faith and do not have works, our faith is dead faith .

So what are the works James is referring to in this text?  Well one example he gives is;  if  a brother or sister is naked and hungry  and you simply pray for them and tell them to depart in peace, be warm and filled, but you do not give them what they are in need of , what has been accomplished?

As Christians wishing to live a successful and fulfilled life we must become involved in the work of the local church. This does not necessarily mean teaching or even being seen in the light.  Churches by their very nature are organizations that require people to become involved in every level to ensure that they are successful. That may mean helping out on a work day, being on the kitchen fellowship committee, helping in the food bank or homeless shelter, or being an usher or greeter. Everything you do to show the love of Christ is Christian works.

Sitting in the pew and sneaking home at the   altar call will not make for a fulfilled life. God wants you to become involved, become intentional about living a Godly life. Stop for just a moment  and think about something that you are good at, that is the gift that God gave you,  how can you use that gift to bless others and show the love of Christ ?

Are you a carpenter ? I bet a few older people in the church could use a blessing of some home repairs that they cannot afford to pay for. How about an auto mechanic ? You are always hearing of people with car trouble that they can’t afford the labor rates to have it fixed, the elderly, single parents, those on fixed incomes. Anything you do in the name of Jesus is a blessing to others.  If you’re a stay at home mom maybe you have time to help someone clean their house, or maybe cook dinner once a week for an older couple.

God can use you to bless others if you will only take the time to find out where you can be used.  Being used for good works and as a blessing to others,  is essential in striving for a fulfilled Christian life.  I have been told many stories where someone has set out to be a blessing in someone’s life and in return they themselves were blessed.

I read somewhere that Bible study alone will make carnal Christians, and it will not produce spirituality.   It went on to explain that study without service produces Christians with judgmental attitudes and spiritual pride. 

That’s the same reason a closed in pond will go stagnant. Water comes in, but none ever goes out. Without the outpouring of your faith through missions, evangelism, or ministry, your faith will go stagnant.

Remember, faith without works is dead faith.

Showing Christian Love

I sat in Sunday School this morning and was amazed at the lesson. The teacher, Joyce Corbett, taught on Christian love as written about in Romans 12. I was in awe at the simplicity of the lesson and how profound the message. It opened my eyes again to the need for Christians to Love each other.

Not just in word but in action. I first discovered this kind of Love last year when I was going through a pretty hard time in my life and I reached out to a friend from Church. At that time that’s all he was, a friend from Church. I knew little about this man’s background, only what he had shared. But his younger life resembled mine in a lot of ways, and although this man is younger than me, and has not claimed to be a Christian as long as me, God put him in place to be my confidant and friend when I needed him the most.

He has proven to be a trusted friend and a Godly man. I will, without hesitation, say that this man, in many ways, saved my life. He has no idea, until know, just how much he did for me during that time. His strength, Godly wisdom, and Christian love was everything God needed to direct me in the direction I needed to go. I could talk with him about what was wrong and the struggles that I was going through and he never judged and he never told. To this day he has never wavered as my friend, no matter how much I unloaded on him. He has remained a trusted friend.

It’s this kind of Christian love that we all need in our lives. Everyone of us need to be that person for someone and to have that person in our lives. Us men are the worst at having a “meaningful” relationship with another man. We too often see it as weak and not the “manly” thing to do, but that’s exactly what God wants us to do. Us men have the same struggles and the same problems, you are not unique. Having a Godly friend that can share in that struggle and will hold you accountable is one of the biggest blessings you will ever have.

God uses people in our lives to answer our prayers. We just too often shut out the answer and the blessing that God has for us because we are too scared to open our true feelings to someone else.. From the other side I challenge every reader to be that friend to someone. Show Christian ( Christ Like) love to everyone around you. Be known as the person that can be trusted and can listen without judgment. You just might be a bigger blessing to someone than you could ever imagine.

Who's Watching You ?

James 1:22 tells us, Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourself, do what it says. So who sees your behavior as a Christian? First, God. Who else ? Other Christians. Christians encourage one another not only by words, but by our actions. We as Christians want to see how others in Christ will react to similar situations, and so your actions become either a help or a hindrance. Our children are watching. Children know better than anyone whether your living your Christian walk. They can spot hypocritical parents within seconds…


An unbelieving world is watching too. The “world” does not care about our theology or denominations. Unbelievers want to see what faith in action really looks like, not what we say and what they have heard hundreds of times. What does it look like ? Who are you outside the church doors? If you claim Christianity, what example are you giving ?

I have heard many times from non Christians, that Christians are hypocrites and act like they are better than everyone else. They say many are so “Holy” they look down their noses at those they see as “less holy” .

Remember that the definition of a Christian is to be Christ like. The Bible tells us in Mark 10:45, that Jesus came into this world to serve, not to be served. So humble yourselves and remember that you are a living witness of Jesus Christ. The world is watching and you are the example.. Do you let Christian values guide your daily life in business, family, and everyday lifestyle ?

My challenge to you, as to myself, is to love everyone. You can hate the sin but love the person. Also remember that as a Christian you are the example. How would you feel if you knew that someone that was looking for a life changing answer was seeking Jesus and you looked down on them and brushed them off, or they watched as you was less than honest in a business deal or purchase, and because of your actions they turned away from Jesus. You will have to explain that to God someday. Let’s hope we have a good enough answer…

A godly life is not lived passively

Living a godly life is not lived passively. It is not a random and wandering life. Those who wait for God’s Word to change them will only be successful when they actively feed and meditate on it. Those who expect sermons they hear and the words they read to make them godly will be forever frustrated unless they are diligent in applying the truth to their lives.

Just sitting in a pew week after week will not do anything radical in a believer’s heart or life. Wisdom and knowledge can not be gained through absorption. It must be consumed and mediated upon. It must become the focal point of our thinking…

Those who hear the word and understand it, and even agree with it, but do not apply it to their lives are gaining no benefit. It isn’t real faith in Jesus Christ.. Hearing, understanding, and agreeing without application is a self-deceptive dynamic. It appears to be faith, but it has no effect in the life of the one who hears. Something more is needed, action for example. God and God’s Word must be treasured more than any other affection of our heart.

Where does your true affection lie? Are you like the passage in James 1:22-25. Do you hear the Word and go away not remembering what you’ve heard. It’s like looking at yourself in the mirror and then looking away forgetting what you look like.

God’s Words should be consumed every day and should be meditated upon all day.. Do you know how to worry about something? It’s on your mind all the time. You turn it over in your head every way you can, thinking of how every outcome will effect you and the situation. If you can worry, you can meditate on God’s word. Read a passage every morning. Then remember that passage throughout the day and learn how it can be applied to your life. Look for ways to remember what you’ve read and ask God to show you how it applies. It amazes me sometimes how something that I have read a dozen times may not mean anything that day , but the one time a read it again it applies then.

I challenge you to apply God’s Word to your life. Become a doer of the Word not just a hearer. Let God’s Word change your life and as written in Romans 12.. Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind..

Part Two: Chruch Attendance

In part two of my series, Self Made Spirituality, I’m going to explore the sometimes controversial topic of regular church attendance. Believe me, I’ve heard all the reasons why a Christian doesn’t need to attend church regularly, I’ve even used many of these same reasons in the past. We are going look at some of these excuses and see what the Bible has to say about the topic.

I place this as part of the, Self Made Spirituality series because it is another example of how people today are making up the rules as they go along, where Christian values and Biblical principles are concerned. The Bible has strong things to say about church and church attendance. We can either choose to ignore what it says, or be obedient to it. If we make up reasons that justify our actions, thus seeming to bring us out of conviction, then we are guilty of self made spirituality.

The best place to start any discussion like this one is to see what God has said about it, through Biblical principles and examples. God has always provided a place to meet with him. The Old Testament gave us the Tabernacle in the wilderness, then the Temple and today the New Testament Church.

Hebrew 10:24-26 tells us not to forsake the coming together as believers to exhort one another.

The church and regular church attendance is important in a Christian’s life. First and foremost it is an expression of our Love for God. It amazes me how a person can say they Love God and have a relationship with Him and yet don’t attend church regularly where they can have corporate worship and strengthening. This is simply an act of obedience to God..

Second, church builds our spiritual strength. Hearing regular preaching and teaching from a Bible teaching church builds our faith and our walk with Christ. Every Christian knows what it’s like to face spiritual conflicts in their faith, this is why it is so important to be fed spiritually on a regularly basis.

Church attendance provides fellowship with other Christians. This is important because you cannot love God if you do not love fellow Christians. Plus, God gives us a promise that where two or three gather in His name there He will be also. This invites the Holy Spirit into our worship and provides for things to take place in believer’s hearts that may not have been afforded otherwise.

Don’t be fooled by the thoughts, ideas, and suggestions that Satan puts into your mind. You cannot have a good relationship with Christ if you refuse to learn, worship, and gather with other Christians. Being out of church opens your mind to Satan’s wiggling in.

Now, for those people that cannot attend church regularly due to health or logistical reasons, God knows your heart. But for those who chose not to attend church regularly so as to attend self gratifying activities, God knows your heart too, you’re putting things and activities ( the Bible calls these gods and idles) before God.

God does not say that you must be in church every time the doors are unlocked, or out of an obligation to family or the Pastor. He does however, required faithful and regular church attendance from an obedient heart.

The absence of an obedient heart is a failure in your Christian walk. I know, I’ve lived that life. Yes you can love God, yes you can have a prayer life, yes you can believe, and not attend church regularly. However, the question is, can you for very long? And at what cost to your faith and Christian walk? A good example I heard one time said this, Church attendance with other Christians is like a pile of red hot coals, remove one and set it to the side and it’s still red hot. However, after a while it starts to cool and then goes cold. But place it back into the pile and its red hot again in no time..

If you’re not attending Church regularly, take inventory of your life. Line your life up with Christian beliefs and values. You might be surprised at what other areas are not in line with the Bible. Luke warm is a bad place to be when standing before God and someday we will all stand before God…

My prayer is that God will strengthen each of us so that we will have a better understanding of His love and desire for our lives while here on earth….

Live a Full Filled Christian Life

Living a Full Filling Christian Life
A plan for success

Have you ever wondered why others in your church seem to be happier and have a closer relationship with God. Do you ever wonder why you just can’t seem to reach God or think that he is not paying any attention to you. I think that we all have been at that point some time in our Christian walk, well I’m going to share with you the formula to get the most out of life and the most out of God.

Everything I tell you is from experience and not just repeating what I’ve heard or re-spouting a sermon from somewhere, I have lived the mistakes that have proven to me what God wants for our lives.

What does God want for our lives ?

First and foremost God wants us to except the salvation of Jesus Christ. God does not desire that anyone should die and go to Hell. If He had wanted that He would not have created a plan of salvation for us..

God wants each of us to be happy and have joy in our lives. He expects that we prosper in everything we do. He also desires that we be worshippers and live by the teachings of Jesus Christ.

How do we achieve a victorious and full filling Christian life ?

I’m going to give you the formula for success in living a full filled life in Christ. It is a proven fact that if you follow this formula you will indeed succeed. A warning though, going into this formula half heartedly will not be successful, in fact you may very well fail altogether by altering or leaving out any part of the formula. However, by following this success plan you will have a very full filled life in Christ and be a joy filled Christian….

The Plan

Step One:

Control the Battle for your mind:

Satan uses three weapons for the control of your mind, if you can recognize and control these three areas then you are ahead of Satan. The weapons he uses are thoughts, ideas, and suggestions. Satan uses any of these three tools to control your actions. Understand and recognize this strategy and you can regain the control of your mind. Not understanding and recognizing what Satan is doing will lead to sin and failure. Not understanding this is why good Christians fail…

Prepare the ground for the battle and victory.

You must prepare the ground for the seed to be planted and a harvest to come. The ground that must be prepared is in your heart.. Hosea 10:12 says Sow yourselves in righteousness, reap in mercy, break up your fallow ground, for it is time to seek the lord till he comes and rain righteousness upon you (KJV)
God will provide the seed, God will provide the water through the Holy Spirit. You must prepare your heart, God will not do that for you. He will not trespass upon you.
We are going the explore a few ways to prepare your heart.

Submit your Life to God

I don’t mean just a little bit here, I mean all and totally. Submission to God means a total life transformation. You can’t serve two masters and you can’t serve two God’s. Meaning the world and God. An old Indian saying talks about the fact that man has two dogs living within him, and are fighting to the death. The winner is the one you feed the most.
Feed your Godly spiritual life and you will be successful, neglect it and it will die.

Study the Word of God.

I can not express how important this area is. We have to read and study God’s word to understand what we believe and what God wants for our lives. It astounds me sometimes when I consider that the Bible is a divine collection of 66 books written by 40 authors over a period of 1500 years. It has the same thread message of salvation from cover to cover and all attempts to destroy it has failed, all attempts to prove it wrong has proved it right; and we can’t spend 30 minutes a day to read it…

Find a good daily Bible or a daily devotional. Read the Bible with a purpose. Before you start reading find a time and place that will be quite and you most likely will not be disturbed for at least 30 minutes. Then set aside this time every day to read and study your Bible.
Start with prayer and ask that God will open your mind and heart to receive the Word that you are about to read. Pray that the Word will be planted in your heart and will speak to you. Then read the portion for the day and then spend a few minutes meditating on God’s word and asking how that word applies to your life. End in prayer. Thank God for His word and ask for spiritual guidance throughout your day…

Tithing

Tithing is a subject that always brings up deep emotions and some preachers want to stay away from the subject. But let me tell you this truth. If you’re looking for a successful and fulfilled life in Christ you must be tithing.

How can you be filled with real joy and have a great relationship with God when you are stealing from him. Yes, I said stealing. The Bible is very clear, you are to give the first 10% of your increase back to God. It is all His to begin with, He sees that you get some but you are only allowed to keep 90%.

Tithing must also be done from a willing heart. Simply adding it to the list of bills to pay for the month and paying tithes out of pure obligation is not what God intended. I believe that you will receive some blessing for being obedient. But the greatest blessing’s come when you tithe your 10% and more because you want to and find real joy in doing so and giving back to God, that’s when real blessing’s will be poured out upon you…
Remember, I said that you cannot skip any step in the formula for success. Doing so will cause you to fail.

Become involved in Church and Church Activities

After submitting totally to God, studying and reading your Bible, and paying your tithes you still must be involved in a Church and Church activities. Being involved in your local Church is imperative in your Christian walk.

I Corinthians 15:33 says; Do not be mislead: “Bad company corrupts good character” NIV
Now this of course doesn’t mean that you have to seclude yourself from all non-Christian people. You should be a witness to the unsaved and un-churched. However, as stated in Romans 12:2 ; Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world. But be transformed by the renewing of your mind…NIV

So the sum of it is this. Yes you will be involved with non Christian people in your life but you should be involved in church and church activities as much or more than you are other activities.

Being involved in Christian work keeps your mind focused on doing God’s work and will help you battle the control for your mind that I talked about earlier.
Another area of being involved in church is being in church. Do you attend church regular or sometimes. Do you go more than just on Sunday morning, do you attend Sunday School or just service? If church is second or third on your list of things to do on Sunday then you are already losing your victory.

Church attendance is crucial in developing your Christian life. People ask me, is going to church really that important, I can serve God without going to church? My answer is; can you? I don’t think that you can. Now this of course does not apply to those people that cannot physically be in church due to health or logistics. I’m referring to the people that choose not to attend church. What’s the difference ? Well, mainly it is the desire of your heart. If you chose to put God second on your list you will not live a very success life. How important is church, well take this example. A large set of red hot coals in your BBQ grill stay hot a very long time. Now take one coal out and lay it outside the grill. It will stay hot for a while, but very soon it will start to cool and the heat will die out. But take that coal and place it back in with the others and it will heat back up very quickly. Being in church keeps you on fire and keeps you in a state of worship.
A closing thought on church attendance. God does not want to be served and worshipped at your convenience. You have a choice, submit to serving God or not, there is no such thing as treading water when it comes to serving God. Treading water will lead to sinking..

In Closing

Although I went through each of these areas quickly I think that you can see the formula for success here. It is now your responsibility to follow this formula and develop it further in your own life. My prayer and hope for you is that God puts a conviction in your life to desire serving Him to your fullest. It is then that you will truly find what living a victorious Christian life is all about.

Doing my Best to Serve

Darren Dake